An old friend.... | victemofsuicide's Blog

I am clean of pills, like I believe I have mentioned. A big step for me. But....now i find myself crushing an oxy. But the feeling is so great, i havent even snorted yet. But getting out all my instraments brings me back. My med bottle with my little straw in it, i used to carry it around like a baby. Then my spoon, still in my cup for my pens and shit. The only thing I need to make this complete would be my lib card, but im not sure where that is. :( Im just going to use my state id. Hehe. But, while I was crushing it (10mg) I felt somthing, and it brought me back to the good days. Well, let me refrase that, the "fun" days. But, they were really fun.

To make this even more of a trip down memorie lane, I got so cocked last night. Stayed up until about 6. Got up around 7, came home and slept till 5:30 this evening. Now my day is starting with this. Yes. I have to say, I really do love this. Not that I would want it to be like this, but honestly if I had a job right now, I would be making this an every day thing. I dont think that I would be able to say no. I was clean until someone held out that pill.

Should I feel like a failure? But, its making me really happy. Isnt that my long term goal? Im not sure, i dont want to make this more complicat then it already is. I just want to sit down, smell the "roses" and relax.

What Have I become? Or, is this just me?