Peachy, a perfect way to describe it. :) | victemofsuicide's Blog

I have one of the koolest friends in the world. Today I realized how much I really do love her. She realized the sec that she saw me(I go over there everyday) that I wasn't doing so good. So, she made me go out and do stuff. She has 3 kids, and I love them to death. It made me so happy to be around her and her kids. They're 9months, 2, and 4. I'm just so happy I have them all in my life. They make me smile so much and make me forget about how much I think I am unworthy. They're part of the reason why I have stopped doing so many drugs and drinking. They have made me a better person, and even though I don't see myself truly loving life anytime soon how I would like to, they help me slowly get to that point. I also had a moment, with her eldest, the other day when he wasn't feeling to well he had started to puke and I rushed him over to the trash can; and even though he was puking it was a moment for me. I truly felt the love that I had for that kid, all I wanted to do was to hold him until he was better. I have never felt that before like that. It's a little hard to explain, but her kids mean so much to me. And her middle child, who is about 2 said my name! Lol. It just had made my day. Alyiah. She is such a cutie. I love it when I pick her up and she just latches on. It makes me feel so special. And those kids are a handful, and my friend is a young mother. So, one night she was having a hard day, so I had her come over(we live across from eachother) and we just talked. I wasn't sure how much help I had been, but then a couple days after that, she told me that talking to me that day has made her feel so much better everyday. She said, "I actually want to get up in the morning now. I get up and smile. " Thats not exactally what she said, but it was pretty similar. And hearing her say that, since I care so much for her just makes me feel soo much better. I would do anything for her. It makes me happy inside to care for her, I don't know. It's werid. Hard to explain. I'm not even sure if I'm making sence. Hehe.

Another thing that made me feel better was that earlier I left a confession, and someone had told me that they're always there to listen. And just that makes me feel cared for. It makes me feel not so alone, which most of the time I always feel alone. I'm really content with life right now, and it feels sooo damn great. I just hope it's the same when I wake up. It's hard though, I mean, I have thought a certain way for a long time, and I feel like I can't just break out of it. You know? But reflecting on today, I feel like I'm slowly getting to that happy place. I must sound like a nut, but I feel better about myself right now. I'm not sure how long it will last, but I want to enjoy it while I can. But...on the other hand....I'm so dang tired. I ran around a lot today, I have no energy what so every. Ugg. And that bed looks so damn good.

Before I close this, I just want to give a really big thank you too all of you that take your time to listen to me. It means so much more then I can say. And like I said before, those little comments really do make my day. Well, I'ma put shiela to rest, and do the same for myself.

PS- I think "they" (as in who ever puts words in the dictionary) should put "I'ma" in the dictionary. I use it so much, I almost convince myself that it's really a word sometimes.

Good night everyone!