Just blabering | victemofsuicide's Blog

I feel like I have a whole bunch of thoughts in my head, but when I come to write this, nothing comes out. Ugg. So, heres the situation. Me and my best friend like eachother, I have liked him for a while. (even though i just broke up with someone, i felt to unhappy with it, and realized that the only time that I do get excited about something is when I know that I will be hanging out with this bestfriend of mine) So, we were just hanging out and we had sex. Idk, it felt a lil aucward (sp?) But he is so damn adorable with his clothes off, one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. So, before I left I asked him if he would date with me. I feel sooo happy about it, but at the same time, idk. Its just a lil werid, maybe because Im so used to viewing him as my bestfriend? Im not sure. Kissing him was werid to, he hardly used any tounge, lol. At times I just felt like I was sticking my tounge into a whole, well, I sorta was; but you know what I mean? Idk, maybe it's just me. But that's my story.

Before all this happened, I went to one of my really really good friends' son's apt with her. She has 3 kids, the oldest(her boy) is 4, then she has 2 lil girls, 2yrs and 9months. I love them all, they are such great kids. Well, he son had an eye apt today, and I tagged along taking the baby while we left the older girl at day care. We could have taken her, but we figured if we could leave her at day care for a lil longer it would be easier. Suprisinly, her boy did very well. Though he was very tired and cranky, he listened and did what he was told. A surpirse because it's rare that he does. But he's an awesome kid. My friend also has panic attacks, so it's good that I went with her today. I had fun though. I love her baby. I know im really young, but I really want one of my own. Ugg. I can't be ready, Im only 16. But I really want one! I think I would be a great mom. Im not a troubled kid at all, I seem to have my head on my shoulders. I think I would be the best teenage mother ever! I want a boy and name him James Douglas, after Jim Morrison. I love Jim, one of my heros. You know, I went to his grave in Paris last year, it was amazing. Though it was soo hot that day, and very hard to find. I eventually bumped into a group of people that were also looking for it, and 2 hours of first getting to the cemetary(which is huge) I had finally found it. I was so happy, I almost cryed. Just looking at it, it was so beautiful. Ok, I dont want to get all emotional! But Jim is the one person that I feel most connected to. Even though I will never meet him, I still feel this spiritual bond. Call me crazy, but I speak my thoughts. I'm not werid, Im interesting. :)

Well, I better be getting to bed. Getting up around 5:30 so I can get my coffee in time for the 6am news. Then I'll go back to bed around 9ish till about 11ish, and thats where my day will really start. I'll do the dishes(which I do every day since I like with 3slobs), and I'll start on the laundry. While the laundry is going, I will take my shower. After that, I will go over to my friends house(the one with the 3 kids) and just chill with her and her kids. Around 9ish-10ish, My bestfriend/boyfriend will come home from work. I will chill with him till about midnight, then come home. Sit on my comp, and then later go to bed. The next morning it will all happen again. Most days is like this, its not boring. I like it. I mean, i go to the same places around the same time, but i do diff stuff. Idk, I love it. But, thats my life! Lol. Kinda plain, it shouldn't be cuz im young, but it is. Ok, well, Ima shut up now and get my ass in bed. Night everyone!